Take me to the Kebab Shop

The canteen sells these satay chicken wraps that taste like a utopia in my mouth. Cheap suppermarket chicken strips coated in pale watered down satay sauce, accompanied by thin strings of week old lettuce with melted cheese that feels like rubber when chewed, to compliment such delights a piece of carpet (arab bread thing) is cradled around the quality ingredients. Mmmm... all for $5, yes it is as delicious as it sounds. Too bad it aint mine, V is a lazy ass and cant be bothered waiting behind the line... oh what line? no line today, so I guess he just can't be bothered walking to the canteen. I know that sly dog just wants to bag a place at the usual hang out, (best spot is usually the support beam that holds up the shelter) and strike a masculine pose as it is Iraqi mating season.

She was magnetic! her south attracted our north (literally). 5'5', jet black hair but blinded our eyes as she radiated! like she had washed he hair with lacquer. Her body was as curvaceous as grape vines but possessed some oriental facial features, which makes me ponder what asian on earth has such a voluptuous ass. Well the answer is - her father is a terrorist and shes Dabomb! Whaaaaa??? shes from afghanistan... thats what I meant to say. They might not have wepons of mass destruction but they sure breed wepons of mass erection. In all seriousness she portrayed a good girl image, very cute, didnt flock amongst the popular cliques and thats what V liked about her, I mean LOOVED about her.

V's infatuation was fueled by the mutual feeling from "da bomb" (her alias will now be known as "Kabab" as strange as it sounds her real name is similar to the delicious middle eastern food known as the kebab). Pretty soon they were a "couple", thanks to me I kindly agreed to set up their first ever conversation... on the interwebs.. From my perspective the relation - ship was sailing smoothly, I would hear about the new "raps" he had recited to her on the phone and occasionally over hear him praise her beauty, "kabab why are you so beautiful?.. no you are, your beautiful". At lunch they would walk to the local fish and chups shop together and eat and meet up at recess to discuss whatever.

Well after waiting in the non existent cue and receiving the chicken satay wrap, casually strolling back, V was not present at the hang out. I don't want to be holding this for the remainder of break, where the hell is he? I patrol around and find V circled by friends, the emotionless expression on his face already answered my question before I asked. Afghani terrorists have hijacked the heart of Baghdad devastating the grasp of reality, in other words he had just broken up with Kabab and seem to be in a state of shock. V excused himself now looking humiliated he wimpered off to the toilets. Probably to have a teary or my theory tried to strangle himself hahaha... I still don't know to this day. He came back composed and with my keen sight I spotted a big red gash on his neck! hence why I speculate V strangling himself lolll... I didnt question the gash.

To be honest it seemed like he was not even dating the chick, he never kissed her or got to play with her "weapons" all he did was serenade her with his notorious weetbix rap "1,2,3,4,5,6 let me eat your weetbix" and proclaim her beauty. Fu on the other hand wanted to blow her up like the world trade centres.

Fu -

–noun

1.	Short horny asian guy

2.	Indtroduced peers to porn

3.	Short horny asian guy

4.	Short horny asian guy

5.	Short horny asian guy.

Road to Cupid

Lets see whats on newgrounds.com, click...... .... .... .... .... page loading... the world of 56k speed internet, a very uneventful world. Much like my world at the moment, think I'll take a breather outside while this loads. Another picturesque summer day and I'm sitting out in my back yard waiting for text and pictures to appear. The midday sun slaps me in the face and starts leaving me tender, I seek shade under the shadows of my house... man this is boring. With hands clasped behind my head I wonder how I got here, sitting here in this one horse town. Tumble weeds whistle pass, followed by a gust that kicks up dust and debris.. feels like I am stranded out in the "wild wild west" only my version doesn't star Will Smith and giant mechanical spiders or Selma Hyak? Heyerak? ... It just stars me.

Hey only 4 months till we graduate, exciting at the same time depressing knowing that some of us will part our separate ways. But I was content for what a bunch of great friends I had, grateful that I've known some since primary school and overwhelmed to have met a bunch of new ones. My studies were going alright I guess? after all I wanted is to pass.. , wasn't sure of my future ambitions maybe that will develop as I continue to mature over these 4 months. I even had income!
Now it wasn't my dream job obviously, (when I was 5 Iv'e always dreamed of becoming a trolley pusher/collector for commercial retailers which exploit you in return pay you $6.50 an hour....) take into consideration it was my first job and couple of my friends who were in the biz helped hook me up. For some reason I thought it would be awesome. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing can take any of this away from me.. nothing and no one, right?....

Mr Q was popular amongst our peers we were friends since high school. On the surface a friendly guy who flared witty humor which was well received. Towering 6'2" and portraying what some would say Hispanic and knee grow back ground (he wasnt), my guess is he believed this was quite "cool" and possessed some reputation.. maybe so. Mr Q underneath, the persona which very few see was my demise.

I don't know why he is staring at me like that? checking the mirror, no nothing in my hair and my eyebrows arnt shaved. Man Mr Q is still staring at me for some reason... what does he want? I continue to chat amongst my friends and occasionally glance back at his direction, he still wears a sinister smirk and eyes piercing in my direction. By now I was getting pissed, maybe I over reacted and lashed out but who can blame me, would you like being starred down? at least give me a reason right?... Class commences I'm in my seat distracted still thinking what the hell? I peir out the window and there he is... Mr Q standing there with the same expresion concentrating his stare into my direction. How long is this guy going to keep up this facade?

Stage 2... fuck.. who the fuck chucked chicken at me, I circled around examining my suroundings Mr Q.. with that same smirk and stare. Steven the dim witted doll, I thought it was him as he was socially retarded, when I questioned him he responded like a dog being shown algebra. Then I realised fabricating such a prank was too complex for Steven (hours later). How could I look pass Mr Q.. he was no Whodeni (spelling) at covering his tracks, I could feel he was enjoying tormenting me. Ultimately I confronted him, why the hell you do that for? he denied it making me look like the vilan in front of his possy

Great.. this fuck was giving me shit why should I tolerate it. My vision of Mr Q turned transparent, this guy is a fraud. I can hear him breathing behind people, rumors spread like Chinese whispers and I start to feel uneasy. I dont need this guy, soon enough I'll be out of here and he'll just be a memory. I've still got my lifetime of friends. Hey Lester wanna hang at the Plaza later? ... Lester? ..... Well fuck you too!

Stage 3...

Caught Red Headed

So I was ditched at McDonalds with Fat Phill ironically, I had ordered a 30 cent soft serve ice cream (now they are 50 cents! Thats an outrage!) while Phill ordered my entire days food consumption . Without notice Ron and Lucas had dissapeared without me, what a tratorious act to leave me with this hideous food processor. I returned home puzzled since it was out of character for them to do so, we were a trio and had a tight bond.. atleast thats what I gathered? The inquisitive side of me was compelled to investigate, so armed with optus prepaid free time which allows you to call any optus prepaid mobile free for a limited duration, I spoke to some relevant sources to uncover their where abouts.

Eagerly anticipated to locate them, I set off the quickest way possible! By push bike... she was beautiful, caramel cream paint lathered smoothly across the aluminum frame, unlimited spokes held the rims from buckling under pressure and a thick sturdy chain that glistened beneath the sun indicating a well lubricated bike. The 315 Specialized was one hell of a ride!
The up hill was punishing, my quadriceps ached as lactic acid built up. Finally the battle between gravity was won, at the top of the hill awaited Dsilva and Sarky. I was happy to cross paths with them and they were surprised to find me as a uno instead of the usual trio. I explained my story and they were inclined to join my search, in fact they had some relative information.

Dsilva had revealed to me Ron was secretly seeing "Man Woman", the title speaks of itself.. she had an apperance of a he. She he was 6 foot 5 inches, armoured with pectorious majors that could deflect a gun shot, thighs as thick as a maple tree and a voice producing the lowest frequencies in the sound spectrum. My knees tremoured, the thought of Ron caressing the chissled face of this prehistoric neanderthal sickened me. I have to say respect points dropped to a 0... from an areadly feeble 1... haha. Okay back to reality he she wasnt as powerful as he she sounded, she did have a masculine jaw line and was labeled trailor trash by our peers as mean as it sounds. To Ron all he wanted to do was serenade her with his tight ryhmes (he thinks he looks like Eminem) and eventually enter her luke warm crevice repeatedly.. with lil Ron. It was due to my imaturity that I was kept in the dark, but im sure he was just ashamed tsk tsk...

We headed down towards the school where they were rumored to be. Since I was on my 315 (bike) I was in the lead and I suggested to take off without them and come back to report whether I had sighted either Lucas or Ron. I pedaled across the foot path adjacent to the school, pass the front reception and towards the oval. To my surprise I sighted Ron in the middle of the field with Man woman, they were embracing each other and "talking" (they say the language of love is kissing) I remained in stealth and rode past with out them noticing. He was sprung! I pedaled furiously back to Dsilva and Sarky, from a distance they could tell I had discovered him. My grin was seen from a distance and my laughter was heard.

We hid amongst the bushes and viewed in disgust... It appeared as though he was re-enacting a scene from a romance movie, Ron held her his wide shoulders while peering into her his stone cold eyes biding his time, waiting for the right moment. Suddenly he thrusts her him down onto the grass and passionately kisses, were we perverts? I guess so in today's society but we were kids and up to no good back then, so I see it as acceptable. Eventually we couldnt contain our laughter and we were discovered. The pair sat up and I could see the embarrassment in Ron's eyes, but in my eyes it was satisfaction.

He later told me not to tell anyone... Oooooo you know how it is back in the day keeping kiddie secrets. Well I must admit I was very immature, we all were. A few years further down the track Ron was sprung again with man woman, a quote if I may, "Ahhhh in berwick.... ahh noo I mean Narre". Thats another story though and this time she he had transformed into something more, a very rare and endangered species. But at the end of the day be honest and you'll have less to worry about, its only when you hide people get curious.

Why was this memorable? I thought it was quite an achievement that my detectives skills prevailed. I returned home that day thinking I could be a PI. It dosnt sound technical at all and where was the problem solving? well the finer details are lost and this is all I could remember.

Chapter X

Life in high speed

All that was left in my locker was irelevent peices of paper piled on top of forgotten text books and a 1 litre bottle of unopened Solo, which had been awarded to me as a symbol of my solo efforts. I jammed the neglected textbooks in my bag, creasing the once perfect 90 degree corners now crinkled and folded..I really hated that. The bottle of Solo fit in my bag like Michael Jordon driving a Mini.. a massive boldge protruding I decided to donate my award to... I forget, but it was someone undesrving of such a presdigious award. I watched as the forgotten name guzzled down the sweet sweet taste of victory, even sweeter since it was free.. oh well I can buy another Solo down at Safeway or even better.. coconut juice!

I take my opportunity and photograph the surroundings with my memory. The mono tone melody of "peaches and cream" signaled that it was time...my phones ringing and what a crap phone it was, large and tough like a brick, you could build shelter with a dozen of these. My fellow class mates and I re-unite as we march towards the exit, past the canteen, through the court yard and into the car park. This time was the last time, I wont back.. unless I was employed as the janitor or the bus driver (actually I'll be bak for muck up day). Final farewells are exchanged as I enter the car which will whisk me away into the adult world. I take a final glance through the car window and watch my childhood slowly disappear as we drive off into the distance. What would be the happiest day of my life back when I was 10 years old now a somber moment.

The last day of school - Australian Spring/Summer as usual fails to disappoint, the morning displays a crisp sky with not a single cloud to shade the colour blue. I awaken much earlier than usual, I want to be on time for once and absorb the very last moments of a high school student. Breakfast over, I do the usual, brush teeth, make up etc.... no not really. Time to set off and catch the 845.. the early bus, ahh good ol' walking and bus days. I hop aboard noticing there were half the usual occupants... yep end of the year people tend to skip the final weeks like I did in the previous years, knowing I will be back. As predicted I am on time with 5 minutes to spare! think it might be a new record..

Today class was not conforming to the usual, class was about celebration and socializing. The teachers were more open and their threats of detention and calling our parents do not inflict fear in our hearts... paradise! Never thought I would say this in my early days but I was going to miss school. I guess 13 years of routine really embedded in me and I'd get the feeling of being lost when the routine is finally broken. Wake up go to school, sleep and repeat with the exception of weekends and school holidays. I long for the days were my primary group of friends are clustered together, now we take separate paths that lead to our individual future. In the end we are lucky to have someone that has been with you since primary school.

It was hot! and what a way to cool off by throwing water balloons at each other, someone even brought a super soaker! Now I'm sure most schools would of had people autographing each others uniforms, yep we had that too! I was reluctant for my shirt to be scribbled upon but someone asked me if they could mark their territory on it... with a pen of course! Under current circumstances (I had a fallout with most of my friends) I was like what the heck yeh why not... it would be good to have a dozen or so on there as a momento of my final day and people I might not see again. I didnt want to have a few signatures tattoed on my shirt, it was either all over or nothing, but in the end I pretty much was covered and had no more room which the next batch were forced onto my bag!

Finally I knew that keeping in contact with everyone is just not possible, people who were only acquaintances that you would only catch up at school. It was a dismal moment to farewell those.. I was even going to miss some of the teachers, half life scientist and Jabba will remain the most memorable. My school life can only be described as an epic movie, you feel happy that its been a wild ride but a feeling of sadness because its come to a conclusion. I would rate this movie 5 spuds out of 5! But life goes on and this is only the first chapter, I'll let this be a reminder of how time flies. It took me a while to accept the idea of making the most of life and enjoy every moment.

End Communication X

EL Natura EL

To drink or not to drink?.... Staring at the bottle of liquid courage I contemplated whether I should twist open a world of slurred speech, clumsiness and a whole lottaa fun! Ahhh why the hell not? I deserved it, or at least I thought I did. After 365 days the sweet sweet taste.. or should I say the bitter terrible taste of Crown Lager finally channeled down my throat and into my bloodstream. The fun begins...

It's that time of the year again, my friend down the road "En" is having his annual saint day celebrations, or in his native tongue "Slava" which is Serbian. This meant a night of exotic food and heavy drinking for some, but mostly it's a celebration between family and friends to reflect on their religious beliefs? At least that was my impression... I arrived at 8:30 with my friend Jonny D, which I thought was fashionably late haha.. since it commenced at 6 or so? no maybe not... with the usual initiations upon entering En presented us with a tray which contained a glass of whine and a plate of wheat. The wine symbolizing Christ blood and wheat the body of Christ? which we eat a spoonful of and down a sip of wine, mmmm... blood.

It's always daunting for me to walk into a room full one's family and friends which I have never met, especially at a cultural religious gathering since I don't resemble anyone from Serbian origins or from this world in that matter.. hhaha. I guess the meet and greet was the easy part, with a quick wave and a sincere smirk.. smile I mean, it was done! I was accepted in my mind. Now I had to be seated, which is the tricky part... do I just intrude onto any seat or what? I mustered some courage and just took some random seat, there.. not as awkward as I thought. En proceeded across the room and seated himself next to me, "wheres Jonny?" Well apparently he just left... what a "fail" as he would say.

Initially I was just going to finnish the beer En gave me and stop there, but after a 1/4 of a bottle the drunken beast inside me awakens from its year long slumber. I was in "Cyber space", pink elephants and clowns everywhere.. nah but it was the good ol' tipsy feeling that I longed for. The drunkeness manifests my once rational soul and now I crave for more!!!! moree. Two shots of "rakia" later everyone in the room was oblivious to me and to everyone else in the room I was just some guy that was laughing at the wall...haha.

Well pretty uneventful I guess but in the eyes of a drunk it was pure bliss. For the next few hours more friends arrived to join my entourage of crap jokes and laughing fits. Met some pretty cool people, well I think I might of met these people before from the previous year but I don't remember... One was a guy I nicknamed "Heavy Drinker" and Heavy Drinkers wife and I think his lil sister as well, Mini Drinker. Even Mini Drinker out drank me and still appeared sober. Can't really remember what we were talking about, I think it was drinking? and funny cars called Yogo, (reminded me of yogurt and Yogi bear)
Other highlights included the God father (En's father) dancing his tribe dance and random guy playing tamberine on our heads to the music.

Was it worth it? was it worth hindering protien synthesis and lowering testosterone production for such a breif moment of bliss? My rotting brian seems to think so, lifes not perminant.. don't take it too seriously ay?

Side notes: Serbian people are born tall and can drink immeasurable amounts of liquor, make delicious food, play musical instruments on peoples head? and are very appealing visually in female form...

giggity giggity gooo


Mr X

Jabba da hut

22k 22k 22k 22k 22k 22k 22k..... The monstrous Jabba systematically recites a transistor code aimlessly, his motive remains an enigma till this day. "Abu dabu wabu wabu" yerr... wtf? and no I'm not writing a new Star Wars adaptation, this is my weekly electronics class with possibly the most unearthly human? being as our educator, by the way he does mumble and make strange noises that we can't decipher.

Jabba as I call him or commonly known as Mr Yosif, it is in its mid 400's? (40's) stands about 5ft 9 horizontally... he is a reminiscent splitting image of the character "Jabba the Hut" which featured in the blockbuster movie "Star Wars", in fact he would of been perfect for the role of Jabba, no need for costumes and animaltronic models. He is a tyrant as he is in the movie, but I have to admit there are moments where you have to show luv to this thing? (guy). Having said that it is mostly due to his bizarre sense of humor and behavior that some find him bearable.

Well we were ready for a practical session of class, while we line up for our transistor components Jabba is heard reciting 22k... it just kept on reap eating itself.... 22k 22k 22k 22k, we were well done with receiving components for our exercise but Jabba persists with his recital? Some could say he was retarded for about 30 minutes just perched there on his stool and repeating a code, and do I have information that may prove him mentally disabled.

Without fail he would materialize? lol (his an alien) in front of pupils that had applied hair product and advised them he could hustle cheap hair gel from bunnings warehouse? lol "Ask for Jason at bunnings to get you 1 litre of Gel for $20 so you can just dip you head in each day" No I've never asked for Jason to realize if this deal was legitimate but I assume it was dodgy, and it didn't help when he spoke with a thick alien accent? I once had an eerie encounter with Jaba.

It was early morning, I had arrived at school earlier than usual to hand in my assignment. Making a hasty entrance through the electronics lab I discovered Jaba slithering (he was crawling on all 4's, yes wtf) toward the entrance of the neighbouring classroom. Concealing himself behind the wall of the entrance he "shhhhed" me and whispered "I'm trying to scare Mr Anderson", I was bowled over to say the least but there was laughter racing through my mind. I said sir what the F@#k are you doing, which startled Mr Anderson who briskly made his way towards us. I think he was dumbfounded.... whats going on??? I don't even know.

Hilarious times they were but I the most memorable if not one of, is the time when he had a bogger hanging out of his nostril for the entire lesson. The class was in hysterics but he couldn't figure out what was so humorous to us. Ahhh... love hate relationship to sum it up, will elaborate on the hate in future.

Mr X.

Yo Gotti

Hi Guise/Gurls

Traveling back in time is impossible at the moment so I guess the next best thing I can do to relive those moments I cherish and enjoyed so much is to interpret through words, or photos. Unfortunately I didn't take much if any photos, as you know a picture says a thousand words. I've been contemplating on writing a blog/book whatever for a while now but my lazy ways prevailed as always, and to my friends wondering how did I get off my gluteus maximus and start typing, well I was kind of influenced by other blogs I've read and watched. Also I have noticed my brain power diminishing due to an absence of further education and mundane daily activities. Those of you who know me probably thinking "what brain power did you have in school?" well I had some decent brian power to imagine some decent excuses for being late and explainations to my parents on why I didnt go to school for a couple of days (suspended).

Hopefully this blog/slab of writing will help me link brain cells to brain cells and reduce catobolism in my brian? lol. I may not have the most elite writing skills but I will endeavour to retell some forgotten/treasured memories in my life, by the way english was the subject I excelled most so rest assure that I will be able to construct a proper sentence with minimal spelong mistaks? Many of you might be pondering I dont want to be in some guys blog so for privacy reasons I will have fake names for my buddies and aquantences, oh and I also will remain annomynous. I will from now on call my self "Mr X", and yes I did steal that from "The Simpsons". Establishments and geographical areas I will named... maybe, as I have commited certain acts that may become recognized in those areas.

Now, I am kind of deciding whether to commence with most current events or go way baaaaaack back into time or just randomly as I please. I must admit nothing beats school days and compared to my current happenings I consider my weekends and lesuire time to be quite dull, it's true when the oldies use to tell us you will miss school and don't grow up too quickly enjoy the youth. I can already see my friends transforming into old and boring people, hopefully the future posts I make will help them reflect Nspire them to make the most of life and enjoy it as much as we did back in the old days.

Well theres not much else I can think of for an introduction and it really feels liberating to express yourself in word form. I can only hope my life remains as adventure filled as the past so I can add more stories to this blog/words to reflect upon when I'm old bald and fat.... hopefully my soul would have passed on before this happens haha.Well enjoy my dribble and I hope to get atleast one or two readers to give me feed back.

Mr X.